Moving in with a partner and sharing finances can be a nerve-wracking experience, especially when you're not used to it. In this article, I'll share my personal experience of moving into my partner's house and how we handled our finances. I'll also offer some insights and commentary on the topic, as well as some tips for navigating similar situations. I'll also include some personal reflections and opinions throughout the article.
The Nerve-Wracking Conversation
I was nervous to contribute too much or too little to a home I didn't own. I wanted to contribute equally to our home expenses so that I didn't just feel like a renter, but I didn't want to overstep and assume I was now a part of this investment she had already poured five years into. I was also afraid of what would happen if we shared big-ticket expenses like remodeling and then eventually broke up.
I brought it up a few weeks before our planned move-in date. I went with: "Can we check in about what you're picturing for finances when I move in?"
The conversation turned out to be very freeing for both of us. It turns out that she had nerves of her own about asking too much of me financially. Speaking our fears out loud gave us the chance to ease each other's worries and make a plan.
Our Financial Plan
We decided to divide the mortgage and utilities evenly. I'm paying less than I did when I rented, especially because our roommate pays one-third of the total sum. At first, my partner insisted she'd handle the utilities on her own, since she'd be paying those bills either way. She hadn't been charging our roommate for the utilities before, and felt fine keeping it that way.
I convinced her to let me contribute to those costs, though. In the end, the three of us decided to split rent, gas, water, electricity, and WiFi. Finally, we talked through future home projects and bigger expenses. She was about to start a re-siding project timed to my move-in, which cost tens of thousands of dollars. She'd been saving and preparing for it for years and would pay for it herself.
For future large expenses, though -- like swapping our clawfoot tub for a walk-in shower -- we planned to split the costs. I'm majorly benefiting from her initial investment in this house, so I want to be a part of the rest of the home's life. However, she doesn't want me to feel pressure to invest in a house I didn't choose. We decided that if we split the cost of a project that would improve the home's equity, she'd pay back my half if we broke up.
The liberating conclusion
The conclusion we came to ended up easing both our anxieties. My nerves about a potential breakup mess are gone, and I know what my role is in our shared finances. Her nerves about asking too much of me were soothed as well, since I'm eager to lean into this new aspect of our partnership. In the end, we both wanted the same thing: to walk into the next chapter of life hand-in-hand.
The Benefits of Being a Homeowner
I must admit, being a grandfathered-in homeowner is pretty amazing. I can actually paint the walls. I have no fears of my rent being raised. I don't have to deal with a no-pet policy (which is good because our dog loves living here). I get to live with my girlfriend in a cute yellow house that's completely ours.
Plus, weeding on the weekends isn't actually so bad. A few months ago, we scattered some seeds and buried bulbs in the ground. We now have a garden that's bursting with colorful wildflowers, fragrant herbs, and yummy vegetables. Our home is in bloom.
